Home, Sweet Home

We made it home! Our long flight was...long. The longest leg was 12.5 hours from Hong Kong to Seattle. Ewan did well, all things considered! He didn't sleep until the last 15 minutes as we were landing. Luckily he was fairly entertained by his iPad and the in-flight entertainment system. He also enjoyed the food (minus the time he dropped the entire steaming hot chicken/rice dish down my legs) and taking many bathroom breaks. Good times. He had a few screaming fits, but there were lots of children on the flight, and we were in no way the loudest or worst behaved, so yay! I call that a victory! We landed in Seattle and made it through customs and immigration. We then had a three hour layover, then a two hour flight. Ewan fell asleep as soon as we boarded the plane for Salt Lake and slept like a rock the whole two hours. He was laying on my leg, and my arm rest was loose. It fell and hit him in the head a few times (whoops!!) and he didn't wake up!

We had a wonderful reception when we landed. I hired a photographer, so I'll post pictures as soon as we get them.

Life since being home has been a whirlwind. Adding a child through adoption is similar to adding a child through birth. It is a disruption to the flow of the home, and takes some getting used to by every member of the household. Ewan is doing quite well, especially if we stay at home. He gets along with his siblings and is happy most of the day! He requires a lot of supervision and direction, as everything in the house is new to him. He's loving exploring, which can be endearing as well as frustrating. He's terrified of the family dog, so she spends most of the day outside. We're working on modeling how nice she is to the other kids, and hopefully soon he'll overcome his fear. Ewan isn't loving American food much. He has eaten a lot of Ramen Noodles lately. Bleh. We will work on feeding him healthier food he enjoys, but for now we're in survival mode. He doesn't understand much English yet, but we're somehow making the language barrier work most of the time. He is sleeping well, even though he wakes up early. We have an air mattress on his floor, and Quin and I are switching off nights sleeping in his room. The other parent sleeps in our bed and takes care of Milo, who still occasionally wakes in the night. To say we are all exhausted is an understatement. Jet lag is a real thing, and Quin and I are both having a hard time sleeping at night. Two hours of sleep going on several days is starting to take its toll on our patience. With the sleep deprivation, it really does feel like we just had a baby!

I always have a hard time adjusting initially when we add a child to the family, and this time is no different. I get anxiety when I start to think of the new normal and how it's going to work out. I tend to play out the worst-case-scenario in my mind and struggle with how I'll handle it. I had a panic attack at 4:00 am yesterday worrying I'm not a good enough mom to the five children I've got. They all need so much, and I'm only one person. This has been a fear of mine from the beginning. I feel so inadequate. I have to remember to take it one moment at a time. From moment to moment, we're making it work. It's beyond a blessing that Quin has this week off. He has a 30 day paternity leave and will return to work Monday. Monday morning is going to be a sad time in my life for sure! I don't know how we would survive this week without him!

I know everything I'm feeling is normal, which helps me keep it together. I know we'll all adjust soon, and I knew going into this that I would feel this way. It's just part of the process. One thing I was worried about is bonding with Ewan, but luckily we love each other! He's such an amazing boy! He even told me "Wo Ai Ni" last night, which means I love you. Way to melt your mama's heart, buddy!

I keep telling myself to "just keep swimming". I'm confident that my anxiety will ease as the days go by and that our new normal will be found soon. I know that the hardest parts are nearly over, and we are the luckiest family ever to have the five remarkable children we do!!