Cooper Haolei

I still am in disbelief that I am having to write this post. We got a call this morning from our China adoption agency that our sweet, beautiful Cooper had passed away.

Cooper at four months

The Chinese facilitator got a call from Beijing in the middle of the night to report that he had passed. They called us this morning to let us know. We don't know any more details. We know he had Down syndrome, but that was the only official diagnosis given. Perhaps he had an undiagnosed heart condition, or perhaps he just got sick. Our agency is working through Beijing to get more information from the orphanage on the circumstances surrounding his death.

We are heartbroken. Really and truly we just feel gutted. We are confident in the knowledge that Cooper is now in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father. We know his many earthly burdens are lifted off his tiny little shoulders. We hope he somehow understood that a family was coming for him and how deeply loved he was.

Beyond that, our grief is for those of us left behind. We are saddened beyond measure that we never got to know Cooper. We wanted nothing more than to give him a home, a family, and unconditional love. We mourn the loss of this precious child in our family. He will forever be a part of us, and we will never cease to love him.

 

 It's been a most difficult day, but we do feel surrounded by the love of so many family, friends, and complete strangers. It is helping us get through, and we can't thank you all enough!

 I was ready to give up this morning on the whole idea of adoption. We have fallen in love with three different orphans, and none of them have been able to come home to us. The sadness we feel is overwhelming.

Then I remember that there are 57 million orphans on this earth. We were prepared, and still are, to be a family to one of them (plus our darling Dasha. There will always be room for Dasha). Our dossier for China is nearly complete. In a month or less, all of our paperwork will be on its way for translation. It would be silly to not give another child a chance.

We just need a few days to lick our wounds and mourn the loss of this boy we've grown so very attached to. This last picture is the first picture I saw of Cooper. I fell instantly in love. For the first time, I saw a glimmer of hope through our Russian adoption mess. I wanted so very badly to be his mother. I still do.

We love you, Cooper! We will always love you. There will always be a place in our hearts for this sweet face.

We don't understand the how or the why of all that's happened to us over this past year, but we can't pretend we weren't led to this path. My husband and I talked this morning about how we can never deny the urgent promptings we felt last July as we were led to pursue the adoption of a child with Down syndrome. I'm sure the lessons will be evident one day, but until then, we're clinging to the promise that it's all in God's hands. He knows the beginning from the end. Until we can see where all the twists and turns in our journey will take us, we just have to hold on for dear life. Thank you all so very much for the support, prayers, and kind words. It's lifting us up through this very dark time!

No Words

I didn't wake up one day and think, "Hmmm. I think I'd like to adopt a child with special needs and spend $57,000 to go to Russia to do it. Sounds fun!" Nope. That's not how it happened. You see, I have three biological children. I could have as many more as I'd like, theoretically. I thought three was a good number for us. We are very involved parents, and three felt like as many as we wanted in our family. Then 2 1/2 years ago, my friend went to Ukraine to adopt a beautiful 4 year old girl with Down syndrome that was about to be transferred to a mental institution. I had never heard of such a thing! In my world of knowledge, people adopted infants from the United States because they couldn't have biological children. Half of my cousins on both sides of my family are adopted. My mom worked for an adoption agency for many years, and I have seen first hand the beauty of adoption. But adoption was simply for those that couldn't have biological children! So why would anyone travel half way around the world, spend an insane amount of money, and take on a child with special needs?? Because the child needs a family. That's the simple, easy answer.
In Russia, 85% of children born with Down syndrome are institutionalized from birth. There is no place in their society yet for those with special needs. Of course the hope and prayer is that someday they'll catch up. Someday they'll realize these people have worth, like every other soul born to this earth. Someday the biological parents won't have to make a gut-wrenching decision to give up parental rights, simply because of an extra chromosome. The United States had a very similar mindset about 50 years ago. I don't doubt that Russia will catch on someday. Someday...
There are many children stuck in the meantime, though. Children that would thrive in families, school, therapy, etc. Children that could have beautiful, meaningful lives. This is why we made the decision to adopt from Russia. We knew gross systematic change in Russian society was WAY out of our hands, but we could save the life of one. We turned our playroom into a bedroom and our lives upside down to get her home. 5 months of constant paperwork, fundraising, and prayer and we FINALLY arrived in Russia for our first trip. We went to Russia on what is called a "blind referral". That means we didn't know who exactly we were going to adopt. We told them a diagnosis, age range, and gender. From there, they told us who we could come visit. Her database picture was of a newborn, though she was 19 months old. We didn't even know what she looked like when we arrived at the orphanage. When they walked her into the room, though, my heart soared. This was my child!! I had the exact feelings when I saw my three biological children for the first time. This child is why we endured five grueling months of a "paperwork pregnancy" and why we agreed to take on the parental responsibilities of a child with several special needs. She was perfect in every way. We had several blissful visits. I cried hysterically when our plane took off from her region. I could not wait the months until we came back for court. She belonged with us. We all felt it.
Six days after we arrived home, Putin banned Americans from adopting Russians. We all know how that's gone. Here's the kicker, though. These kids are still growing up and being sent to mental institutions. There is nothing now that can be done for them outside their own country. Nearly every healthy infant that had met a prospective American parent has been adopted. Who remains? The kids with special needs. One child with Down syndrome has gone home with his biological parents. All the rest who'd met prospective parents remain in institutions. Because these are just words, let me show you some pictures:

Here is "Kyle". In the first picture from his baby house, he is a chubby cheeked, beautiful boy waiting for a family. He has been transferred in the second picture. HOW IS THIS ALLOWED!?!? I can't even look at this picture without wanting to throw up. He is so thin and frail. He has so many wounds on his face, either from being beaten, or from self harming. A lot of children in institutions hurt themselves to feel something rather than nothing. Oh, beautiful boy. You need out of there. There are no Canadian agencies that will work in this region. What hope does this boy have? None.
Lest you think this is an isolated incident, let me share Ksenia with you. Here she is before transfer:

Chubby cheeked, full of life. Here she is after transfer: 

I hate that I live in a world where things like this happen to innocent children. To make it worse, one of the children in danger of transfer is a child I feel in my heart is my child. She is only two, but it's a ticking time bomb. 

Here is "Nathan". He is in the same region as my Dasha. He doesn't have visible wounds, but he is skinny, sickly, and desperate looking. What am I going to do if/when Dasha gets transferred? I am terrified for her.

Nathan before transfer

Nathan after transfer

We can't do nothing. We can't pretend these children don't exist. I don't care what country they're from. They are children of God, and they don't deserve to be treated this way. Please pray, friends. Please pray for all these children. Please pray the adults that are responsible for them will care. Please pray that angels will watch over them and that their hearts will be protected from the ugliness of this world. And selfishly, please pray for my Dasha girl. Please pray another family will adopt her, or that the Russian laws will change and allow us to bring her home before she is transferred. Please, just pray.

Making our Canadian News Debut!

We were contacted by a reporter from Canada on Thursday or Friday of last week. My husband called and talked to him, and he was doing a story about Russian kids who'd met prospective adoptive parents from the U.S. but were caught in the adoption ban that had now been adopted in Canada. He had heard that we were interested in a Canadian family adopting Dasha Meg and wanted to interview us for his article. We made the news! Click here to read our story!

While we would love, love, LOVE for Dasha to come home to us, it isn't looking like that is going to happen any time soon. More than anything, we desire for her to have a family. If a Russian family were willing to love her and take her in, we'd be excited! Since that's more than likely not going to happen, Canada seems the next best choice. They are one of the only other countries that allow the international adoption of kids with special needs. From what I understand, the adoption process can be a bit more complicated (due to socialized medicine), but I do know of a few people who adopted kids with Ds from Ukraine last year. This is exciting news to us as our greatest fear is that she will end up with no family in a mental institution. If you are Canadian and are interested or know someone interested in adopting a two year old girl with Down syndrome from Russia, please contact me!

If you're following Russian/U.S. relations, you know President Obama officially called off the pre-G20 meeting with Putin. It's so very disappointing to see our hopes slipping away. This has been a difficult week emotionally for me as it sinks in more and more that Dasha's most likely not coming home to us. I would give almost anything for her to be part of our family. We miss her so very much. There is a hole in our family where she is supposed to be. Please continue to pray for her!

Today we had our biometrics appointment for our USCIS application for Cooper. I've heard they are taking around two months to approve people, so that's a bummer. We've still got a month left. We have made some progress on our dossier and will continue chipping away at it so it's ready to go once we have USCIS approval. I found out we have the option to pay for an update on Cooper! You apply through China and they give you a few pictures and possibly even answer questions. That sounds like so much fun! We're thinking about doing that, but might just hold off for a little bit. I'm thinking once we're half way through our anticipated wait would be a fun time to get some new pictures and info on our little stud muffin!

An Update...Sort Of

I don't have too much news to report. In China adoption news, USCIS is reviewing our application, and we're waiting for fingerprint appointments. One thing that's exciting for us is that we decided on a name for our China guy! We are naming him Cooper! His middle name will be his Chinese name, but I don't feel comfortable sharing that at this point. I will as soon as he's home safe and sound. It's a pretty big deal for us to come up with a name, though, as my husband and I have a really hard time agreeing on names! Yay! I also have been researching his province and I'm getting majorly excited to travel! It's still probably about six months away, but it's fun to imagine what it's going to be like! I read an article in May about the one child policy that continues in China, and it's heartbreaking. Here's a link to that article if you're interested.

If you're following Russian news at all, you know this week has been difficult as far as U.S./Russian relations go. Edward Snowden was granted asylum in Russia for a year. Here's an article about that. Now the U.S. is making threats about the meeting between Obama and Putin in September before the G20 Summit being canceled. BOO!! I am seriously sick to death of politics. I don't even care. Just give me my kid!! I think it's insanely unfair that she has to remain institutionalized for the rest of her life because of politics. So, yeah. I know I've been saying that for six months now, but it remains true.

As always, I'm thankful to Sarah with The Dark Matter of Love for her continuing work. She seems to have some great ideas and I'm truly happy she's on our side. At least it's something positive to follow!