Tender Mercies

This has been such a hard week.  It feels like hope is slipping away.  Nothing much has changed, just a sick feeling I'm having inside.  I can't stop the tears from flowing.  It feels like the further we get into this, the more everyone else forgets about it.  News stations quit their coverage.  Government officials lose interest.  Fundraising comes to a screeching halt.  Even my dear Reece's Rainbow sees this tragedy for what it is.  They have put all the kids from Russia on "hold" on their site.  They aren't visible.  I know how deeply this affects Andrea (the founder of Reece's Rainbow).  Saving these children has become her life.  They have spent years searching out the special needs children that are in need of adoption from Russia.  They just can't continue, in good conscience, to continue to collect grant money and field inquiries of interested families for these kids that have become unavailable.  It was a hard blow for me this morning, though.  I have fallen deeply in love with so very many of these children, and I can't help but feel despair for them.  I see the futures they COULD have had versus the futures they WILL have.  CLICK HERE to watch this beautiful video my dear friend made for Valentine's Day of many Reece's Rainbow children adopted from Russia in the past few years.

After you watch it, look at these pictures.  Here is a picture of a cute guy with Down syndrome from the same city where Meg lives.  Isn't he a precious little thing!?  His Reece's Rainbow nickname is "Nathan".

Here is the same little guy a few years later, after his transfer from his baby home to an institution.  I can't even begin to tell you how this breaks my heart.  This is the description of "Nathan" from his Reece's Rainbow profile: God, please don’t let this happen anymore!  I can not bear to see these precious gifts wasting away before our eyes.   God, help Nathan and all of these children find forever families…let the world understand the gift they are, that they should not be hidden away and mistreated like this   

Look at Nathan, as an infant, and what he has regressed into….neglected, malnourished, but full of potential and life, even still.  God help him find a family who will accept him no matter what his needs are.

 

Oh, friends.  This is the exact future Meg faces if we aren't allowed to proceed.  She will most likely end up in this same institution.  HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN!?!!?  I don't even know how to process this.  My heart has never felt so heavy in my entire life.  These aren't just nameless faces.  I love Meg as my own.  I have held her, loved her, and made promises to her.  She IS my own.  Yet we might not have an option but to let her rot away, unknowing of how deeply loved and cared for she is in this life.  The injustice of it all is too much for me to handle.  I try to push it away to the corners of my mind, but I am dying inside.  I go on with room mother duties, birthday parties, homework, meal planning.  I push forward because I have three other children at home that I can't let down.  They need their mom.  But on the inside I have a constant pit in my stomach, and I find a corner to cry in several times a day.  I don't know how to process this anymore.  It is just too unfair to these babies.  These precious, innocent babies.  They have done nothing wrong, but they have no power to change their circumstances.  I have been taught and believed my entire life that nothing is impossible.  That if you fight long and hard enough for something, it will happen.  I am starting to doubt this.  All of this is just so out of our control.  We literally have done all we can do.  We have sacrificed every penny and countless hours to this adoption.  We are in the process of rearranging four rooms in our house to make room for Meg.  We have, for all intents and purposes, dedicated the last eight months of our lives to this process.  Yet it is a very real possibility that, in the end, it won't matter.  

Despite all of this ugliness, pain, and despair, there are tender mercies to buoy me up.  Right now, a beloved group of friends is working hard to get the families that have joined the European Court of Human Rights case some funding to help cover the costs.  Their sacrifices of time and money and show of love and support are astounding and have really made me feel good this weekend.  This wonderful Russian adoptive Mama and very popular blogger did a post about five of the families involved in the ECHR case.  Here is the link to read all about it.  It was so very sweet of her!  Then, another Mama in our same situation has agreed to share her Avon fundraiser.  If you're in need of some Avon products and/or some cute Easter gifts,  click here!  Finally, some amazing friends (some of whom have adopted from Russia, some of whom are in the process like us), have put together a facebook auction to benefit the five families from the blog post I linked to.  Here is the link to the facebook auction: CLICK HERE!

At this point, it's not even about the money for me.  It's about the love and time that was taken to support us.  It is a very real tender mercy that has occurred again and again through this adoption process.  Those we know well, and some we don't know at all, have stepped along side us and given of their love and support.  You see, these children are precious to so many of us.  

We will continue to keep up the good fight, simply because she's worth it.  No one has ever fought for her in her whole life...until now.  We are coming for you, baby girl.  Somehow, someway, I have to keep believing.