LOA!!!!

We finally received approval from China to adopt Milo Yang! This is such a huge step! We're thrilled!! We just have a few more little steps to go through until we can travel to China and bring him home! It looks like we'll most likely be getting him around March 17th! We are SO excited!
We should be getting our LOA from our agency tomorrow! To add to our LOA excitement, the simply amazing company Sevenly has offered to give $7 from every purchase this week to Reece's Rainbow families that are nearly ready to travel!!! We are included in this category, and I'm speechless! I just can't believe the love! In case you've never heard of Sevenly, here is a blurb about their company from their website, "In January of 2011, two young Entrepreneurs Dale Partridge and Aaron Chavez got together with the mission of leading a generation toward generosity. With a belief that people mattered, they began a journey to change the world. On June 13, 2011, Sevenly was born. By creating weekly cause campaigns where customers could purchase products that gave $7 to a weekly charity, Sevenly successfully unlocked not only a way to crowd-fund for causes, but to drive massive social awareness as well."
They have super cute stuff for sale on their website, so please go shopping! Here is a link that tells about this week's charity.
Such an exciting week!

The Law

One year ago today, the Dima Yakovlev law was signed by President Putin. One year ago today, my life was turned upside down. One year ago today was awful.
Though it's nearly impossible to find too many who still care here in the United States, there are still many Russians fighting for these kids. We have been involved in several different new stories this last week! It's been exciting and surreal to see our faces on picket line posters and Russian news articles! Here are links to several, though not all, of the stories. Crazy!

Here's a link to an article about the Christmas movie we made. Our picture may or may not be at the top of that article ;)

Here's a link to the picket.

This is an article about my friend sending hats to her daughter and her friends in the orphanage.

Here's an open letter to our children in a Russian paper.

We have also been emailing Julia with The Downside Up. It's an amazing organization in Russia that is working to change the perception people have of individuals with Down syndrome. They're doing such important work, and she'd like to use our story in an article she's writing.

I'm so thankful to the Russians who realize the children who still haven't been adopted (most of whom have disabilities) should be allowed to go home to their families. During this time when the Russian government is pardoning so many, please continue to pray they have mercy on these children who were promised families!! Here's one more article:

This is about including children in the pardon.

One Year Ago...

One year ago today, Quin and I met the most beautiful, intelligent, trusting, loving, and brave soul we've ever had the privilege to meet. We love our Dasha girl so much words don't do it justice. We will love her forever. She has a piece of our hearts with her, and none of us will be whole again. Happy one year metcha day, Dasha Meg!
A friend made a video of several families caught in this awful ban. Click here for the link (we are at the very end). Hope you enjoy!

Two Things

1) Our dossier has been reviewed! Wahoo! LOA should be coming SOON!!

2) We chose a name for our guy! We're going with Milo :)

I Am Slowly Going Crazy, Crazy Going Slowly Am I!

Well, things are moving along in our little guy's adoption, just not at the rate I'd like. It is normal and typical and nothing to be worried about, I just am really sick of waiting. A few other moms have traveled to his orphanage after their own gotcha days (you have to travel to his city to apply for a passport, so they go visit the orphanage while they're there) and have gotten some precious photos of our guy. It's always really, really exciting to get the pictures, but then I always get really, really anxious. His orphanage doesn't have the money to pay for heat. He is bundled up, but I can't even imagine. It worries me so! He also looks very puffy to me. The other thing that strikes me is just how dang boring it must be for him! I don't think he can sit up, so he just lays all day long in his crib. He is staring at his hand in several of the pictures. Not the most engaging of circumstances, to say the least! In short, it feels like some sort of torture to see him in pictures and not be able to go get him. Our dossier has been out of translation for a few weeks, so we should be reviewed in no time! That means we are getting close to having our LOA, or letter of approval! Once we have that, things start to pick up! We have a few more steps to complete after LOA, then we'll have travel approval!! I'm hoping to travel in March. Although it feels forever away right now, I know the time will fly. I have lots to get done and prepare before he arrives home, so I'll stay busy!

Here's our guy from a day and a half ago! Such a handsome fella! One of the grandmother's of a little girl who was at our guy's same orphanage worked with her church group for months making tons of beautiful quilts. Our guy was SO, SO lucky to receive one! I love it! It made me cry to think of a tangible piece of love being placed to blanket him and keep him warm!!

December has been hard on me. Opening the Christmas closet and decorating the house has been very difficult this year. It's because last December was big for us. We had no clue a ban was coming, and we were blissfully excited and thrilled to be traveling soon. We knew Dasha would be home for Christmas 2013, and I was so excited last year thinking how we'd have another stocking this year. I was literally sobbing while hanging the stockings this year. Hers is missing. We got word we could travel to Russia on December 7th, 2012. One year ago tomorrow. Oh, the pain is great. We met Dasha on December 20th. While in Russia, we bought lots of Christmas/New Years souvenirs. Several matryoshka ornaments, several Grandfather Frost figurines, etc. As we carefully unwrapped them all this year, I cried and cried and cried. Such an empty, crushing feeling. I miss Dasha so much it physically hurts me. Don't get me wrong; I have come to a new place of peace (per my last post), but sometimes the pain of it all just comes crashing down.

Our ECHR case is finally progressing, so that's good news! It's been communicated to the Russian Federation, and they have until February 28th to respond. I honestly don't know how this is all going to pan out, but I'm thankful for the opportunity to give a voice to the orphans left in this mess. I honestly still believe there needs to be some sort of special needs amendment to the adoption ban. Of all the children with special needs who had met potential American parents, only a couple (two or three) have found other homes. I know things will change in Russia, but change is slow. In the meantime, I hope they have compassion for the children stuck in institutions with virtually no hope of finding Russian families. Regardless, I have to remain hopeful that the ECHR will give us a positive ruling. I have to have hope, because what else is there if there is no hope?

Peace I Leave With You

Because they recognize gay marriage, Canada has been unofficially banned from adopting Russians. So far there is no law or anything, but Russia isn't processing any court cases or issuing any new referrals. I learned this news a few weeks ago, but needed time to let it sink in. I've been hopeful that Canada would agree to sign a bilateral treaty with Russia in order to continue adoptions, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I know for now our Canadian family cannot proceed with the adoption of Dasha. 

I had a day or so of heavy tears, then I suddenly felt more peace than I have since December 28th. I have tried to listen to uplifting messages while I get ready in the mornings lately because I have been just so dang depressed. The morning before I learned about Canada, I decided to listen to some interviews with Elizabeth Smart. For those who don't know, Elizabeth was kidnapped from her home in Salt Lake City at the age of 14. She was held captive for nine long months. An insane man, Brian David Mitchell, took her to be his wife. He raped her multiple times a day for nine months. He told her what she could do and say and how to act. She was his prisoner and slave. Elizabeth was miraculously discovered waiting at a bus stop with Mitchell in a neighboring city nine months after her kidnapping. Instead of being bitter, angry, and resentful, Elizabeth has chosen to focus on the positive. She knows God loves her, and fully recognizes the tender mercies given to her during her horrible ordeal. She has moved on with her life. She knows that, in the end, everything lost to her will be restored. 

After listening to several interviews with her, I am just in awe. Suddenly, it fully sunk in that this life is truly just a blip on the radar. We are here a few short years to prove ourselves, then we move on. It's fully possible that Dasha never finds a family and lives the remainder of her life in an institution. She came to get a body and prove she was willing to do whatever it took to be exalted some day. She has done just that, and I know in the end she won't be denied any blessings. She will have a family. She will have happiness and love and everything she didn't receive in this life.  I also firmly believe that, in the meantime, there are angels helping her through. I know that I love her so much it hurts, but I also know that Heavenly Father loves her infinitely more. Even more than I can even comprehend. He is aware of her. He will not leave her alone, comfortless.

While I've been telling myself this for 10 1/2 months, I guess I never truly believed it. I felt somehow that I needed to do something to help Dasha. I now know that I have done every single thing in my power to get her a family. I have reached out to Russians, Canadians, the U.S. government, the European Court of Human Rights, media, Russian officials...truly everyone I can think of! I see now, though, that I have done all I can, and now it is in God's hands. However this turns out, it's not up to me. It's up to Him.  I will continue to do whatever I can. I will be here, ready and willing, when and if Dasha is ever available to me. If not, though, I know that this life is short, and she will be rewarded for eternity. 

I am so thankful for this peace. It's a huge burden lifted off my shoulders to know that it's not up to me. I will stay on the course, but will do so with a heart full of love and much lighter than it's felt in months! I continue to have the scripture found in John Chapter 14, verse 27 run through my head: "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Here is the beautiful, peaceful, wintry view outside the playroom window in Dasha's orphanage.

DTC and Other News

In the China adoption world, "DTC" stands for dossier to country. It is a big step! It means your home study, USCIS approval, and entire dossier are completed, authenticated, uploaded, and mailed to China! All the paperwork, blood, sweat, and tears we've put in to compiling everything is done! China now has all our information and can decide whether we will be allowed to proceed with the adoption or not. I'm thrilled to have this step out of the way! We knew we were getting close, so decided to have a little fun while raking leaves this weekend!

A Facebook friend who was adopting a boy from our new little guy's orphanage stopped at the orphanage and took pictures for a few of us mamas who are waiting to travel. I got three precious pictures of our guy and a whole lot of heartache. It's a very crowded orphanage with only a few nannies. I'm so very worried about him! 

I seriously cannot wait to get this boy in my arms! I love him so! It's rumored that after you are DTC, you have about 4-5 months until you travel. That puts us traveling sometime towards the end of February or March. I can't wait!!!

October Blues

I have to say that October is traditionally one of my favorite months! I absolutely LOVE the vibrant leaf colors, the crispness in the air, the seasons changing before our eyes, lots of fun Halloween plans, and pulling out our trusty sweaters. I love the anticipation of the upcoming holiday season! Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas! What's not to love!? And I do love it. I love it every single year, and this year is no different. It's just that I am feeling the twinge of the "last years" as well. Last year at this time, our dossier was on its way to Russia. You couldn't have pulled me down from the high I was on! We had completed our home study and registration dossier, our USCIS I600a application was on its way, and we were done with our major fundraisers. Life was so, so good!! We were simply waiting for Russia to give us the go ahead to come meet our girl!

This year, much is the same. Our dossier for China has finally finished with all three of the certifications it receives and arrived safely in our agency's office on Friday. Our dossier should be en route to China (known as DTC or dossier to country) sometime this week! This is a major step in the China adoption process! Our approval has come from the U.S. to adopt a child with Down syndrome from China. And I am excited. I'm also terrified.

I mourn for Dasha every minute of every day. It's a feeling deep within my gut. I never feel quite right. The realizations of what should have been creep up on me unexpectedly. As I was changing out my youngest daughter's summer clothes for fall/winter clothes on Saturday, I broke down weeping in the storage shed. There are rows and rows of Rubbermaid bins that house all the clothes that she would have been wearing. The sense of loss and grief is palpable. I have great hope that if our Canadian friends are allowed to adopt her without interference from Russia and she is finally at home, safe with a family who loves her, that I will be able to let go of these feelings. I have been working a lot on letting myself feel the finality of it. She is not going to be my daughter. After a year of working tirelessly to welcome her into our home, the devastation of this is hard to put into words. My children still pray every single day that Meg will be able to come home to us. We all sense that she should be here, but she is not. It is unbearable to look at the hundreds of pictures and video we have of our time together. Our smiling faces, full of hope, joy, and a love so very deep...it's just too much.

We went to the Salt Lake Temple on Friday, October 4th, to be sealed to our precious Cooper. It was a beautiful, wonderful, bittersweet day. We invited only our immediate family and one of our dearest friends. I am so glad we kept it intimate. It was a deeply personal experience, full of both happiness and heartache.

He will forever be a part of our family. When we all leave this earth and enter into the next life, he will be with us. This brought me such immense joy. I also felt much sorrow that I never got to meet him in this life. He is forever bound to us, and we are so very grateful for the promises made to us that as long as we live righteously, we will be a family forever.

It's very sad for me to look at Cooper's pictures. It's also very, very difficult to believe everything is going to be okay with our new little man, too. I know from Little Flower that our guy is quite fragile. A family that picked their son up from the same orphanage this last week was able to take three pictures of him. They said that the nannies are very nice, but there are only a few of them and rooms and rooms and rooms full of children. It's excruciating to look at pictures of him in his orphanage crib, all alone. I know the realities of life in an orphanage. I've lived in this world of orphan care for 15 months now. I have had over 100 hours of education on parenting an institutionalized child. I've visited an orphanage in Russia. I've seen hundreds of before and after pictures of orphans who were in bad shape before their adoptions. It's just different when you have an actual real time photo of the child you're fighting to make yours and you see how they're currently living. How he'll be forced to live for several more months. It's eating me up inside! We won't be invited to travel until late February or March. That feels forever away!

We continue to push forward, though. I believe now, more than ever, how important families are. I know in my heart of hearts that someday we'll have a child home with us. A former orphan. It's just been a very difficult road so far. My dream for next October is that Dasha will be home with her family in Canada, our China guy will be home with us, and everyone will be healthy, happy, and thriving! I have had many dreams destroyed this past year, but I've got no choice but to continue hoping for this one to come true!! Two children's very lives are depending on this dream!

Update-o-rama!

There have been so many dang adoption things going on lately that I haven't had time to sit and blog about it all! First of all, there has been scary news coming out of Russia. They are threatening to ban all countries that haven't signed a treaty with them, which would include Canada. Of course this frightens me to no end. Our Canadian family is aware of the threats, but have continued on full steam ahead. I love them. More than I can even say. They love my dear Dasha and won't leave her there, even though there's a risk the same thing that happened to us could happen to them.
Not only is this scary from a personal standpoint, but it's also terrifying because it means more Russian orphans will remain just that: orphans. There are thousands and thousands of children who won't be adopted. Do you remember the picture of "Kyle" I posted in this post? I learned he recently passed away. No child should live their life not knowing how important and special they are. No child should live their life being nobody to anybody. No child should die from neglect. It breaks my heart.
Please continue to pray for Dasha girl, though!! She really needs a family. Her time is running out.

In China news.....we received pre approval for another little guy with Down syndrome just yesterday!! It was quite an adventure trying to obtain his file. Once we had his file, of course it was all in Chinese. What!? It hadn't been translated yet! This almost never happens, so of course it happened to us! We had to find someone to translate it for us so we could at least know his medical needs to include it in our letter of intent to adopt him. It all finally worked out, though, and I am so very excited! Isn't he darling!!

He has been at Little Flower (an amazing American run institution/hospital for Chinese orphans with medical needs) since he was two weeks old. He had heart surgery when he was three months old and has been recovering and receiving lots of love there. His orphanage recently called him back because they get money for having kids there. Little Flower wishes he could have stayed a while longer to get stronger and more stable, but such is the life of an orphan. Of course we are terrified he will pass away before we can get to him. If you have it in you to continue to pray for our family, please pray for our new little guy. Please pray he will be strong and healthy and looked after. We are rushing like CRAZY to get to him!! Oh, and just an FYI (because a lot of people have been asking me this), he turns one in November!
We got our I-797 back last week (approval from the US government to adopt a child from China) and we're super excited! Our dossier had to get stamps from Utah certifying all the notaries on our pages are actually notaries. That step is done, and now our dossier is in Washington D.C. It needs stamps from the State Department, then it will go to the Chinese Consulate in D.C. for their approval. After that, it gets sent to China! All of these steps take a few days, but I'm hopeful it will be ready by the end of next week to send across the ocean! Once it's in China, there are several steps before we can actually go get our boy. Our part of the work will mostly be over, but they process the entire adoption before we get there. It makes it nice in the end, because you go for one trip and take your child home with you. Adoption complete! We are hoping for February travel. I mean, of course I'd LOVE to go sooner, but I think February is the earliest at this point. It feels amazing to have our part of the work over with for now, though!!

An Honest to Goodness True Miracle for Meg

From the moment Dasha came into the room that frigid December morning, we have loved her as our own. Since Putin signed a law banning Americans from adopting Russian orphans six days after we returned home from Russia, we have done every single thing in our power to bring Dasha home to us. With her clock ticking (just 20 months until she is transferred to the dreaded mental institution), we decided to reach out to one of the few countries on earth that can adopt children with special needs from Russia. We did an article in the National Post in Canada at the beginning of August. Miraculously, a wonderful Canadian family has contacted us and is now starting the process of adopting Dasha! They saw her pictures in the news article and knew she should be part of their family. (As a side note, they also happen to belong to the same religion as us. What the what!? Crazy awesome!) While this is not the ending we’ve prayed for for our family, it is, more importantly, the ultimate ending we’ve prayed for for Dasha. She is going to have a family!! The only thing that could stand in their way is money. It will cost them roughly $60,000 to complete the adoption. While this is a staggering number, sweet Dasha’s life is worth more than all the riches in the world to us. I know so very many of you have given generously to our adoption of Dasha. I’m asking, begging, praying, and pleading for you to give to her again. She’s worth it and you would literally be helping to save her life. There are not enough thank you’s in the world to express the gratitude we would feel! 

Click Here to Donate to Dasha Meg's New Canadian Family!!

It's the Hardknock Life

Nobody every said it's easy to be an orphan. We know Cooper was malnourished most of his life. We found out he was hospitalized from May to July with pneumonia/malnutrition. The official report was that he died of a stroke, though apparently that's a common "we don't really know what happened" diagnosis of death from China. After speaking to our pediatrician, we believe Cooper most likely had an undiagnosed heart defect. He was only 11 pounds at his one year appointment. We knew he wasn't well, but we had no idea he was so sick. Poor little buddy! I just hope he wasn't in too much pain and I definitely hope he wasn't scared. I know if he were not an orphan, he most likely would be alive today. If he were to have received specialized and individualized care, he would have been so much better off. It makes me so horribly sad to think about. I am happy, though, that I know Cooper is with his Heavenly Father. He came to earth to get a body and returned home a perfect and unspotted soul. This comforts me so very much to know!

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that families are forever. My husband and I were married in the temple, and we believe that because of the covenants we have made, we will be a family forever (as long as we keep the promises we made, of course!). When children come to your family biologically, they are automatically sealed to the family. When children are adopted, you go to the temple with them to have them sealed to your family. They then become part of your forever family, as if they had been born to you. To learn more about our church, you can visit this site! After feeling so terribly sad about Cooper's death, I learned that if you were in the process of adopting a child and the child passes away, they can still be sealed to you! This has made me feel SO much better! He truly will be part of our forever family!

We have been working on becoming pre approved in China for another little guy with Down syndrome. He has a repaired heart defect, but is still very fragile. I'm extremely nervous that something is going to happen to him before we get there. I'm also nervous he could be quite ill when get gets home. I do know that he desperately needs a family, though, and we're hoping to be that family! A different agency currently has his file, so we're working to see if they'll release it to our agency. We know it will work out however it should, it's just nerve wracking!

And Dasha. Oh, Dasha! She has never felt so very far away. Syria, Russia, China, the U.S....it's putting me on edge. I can't even fathom that this is happening. What are the odds that the U.S. would be on the brink of war and the main opposition would be Russia and China. Seriously!? Of all the countries in the world, it has to be the two we're trying to adopt from?? I don't know all the answers here, but I'm praying like crazy that we don't bomb Syria. This world we live in! It's all so very, very depressing. We continue to pray for another family to adopt Dasha. That spunky little muffin is going to make some family very, very happy some day. I just know it!

Cooper Haolei

I still am in disbelief that I am having to write this post. We got a call this morning from our China adoption agency that our sweet, beautiful Cooper had passed away.

Cooper at four months

The Chinese facilitator got a call from Beijing in the middle of the night to report that he had passed. They called us this morning to let us know. We don't know any more details. We know he had Down syndrome, but that was the only official diagnosis given. Perhaps he had an undiagnosed heart condition, or perhaps he just got sick. Our agency is working through Beijing to get more information from the orphanage on the circumstances surrounding his death.

We are heartbroken. Really and truly we just feel gutted. We are confident in the knowledge that Cooper is now in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father. We know his many earthly burdens are lifted off his tiny little shoulders. We hope he somehow understood that a family was coming for him and how deeply loved he was.

Beyond that, our grief is for those of us left behind. We are saddened beyond measure that we never got to know Cooper. We wanted nothing more than to give him a home, a family, and unconditional love. We mourn the loss of this precious child in our family. He will forever be a part of us, and we will never cease to love him.

 

 It's been a most difficult day, but we do feel surrounded by the love of so many family, friends, and complete strangers. It is helping us get through, and we can't thank you all enough!

 I was ready to give up this morning on the whole idea of adoption. We have fallen in love with three different orphans, and none of them have been able to come home to us. The sadness we feel is overwhelming.

Then I remember that there are 57 million orphans on this earth. We were prepared, and still are, to be a family to one of them (plus our darling Dasha. There will always be room for Dasha). Our dossier for China is nearly complete. In a month or less, all of our paperwork will be on its way for translation. It would be silly to not give another child a chance.

We just need a few days to lick our wounds and mourn the loss of this boy we've grown so very attached to. This last picture is the first picture I saw of Cooper. I fell instantly in love. For the first time, I saw a glimmer of hope through our Russian adoption mess. I wanted so very badly to be his mother. I still do.

We love you, Cooper! We will always love you. There will always be a place in our hearts for this sweet face.

We don't understand the how or the why of all that's happened to us over this past year, but we can't pretend we weren't led to this path. My husband and I talked this morning about how we can never deny the urgent promptings we felt last July as we were led to pursue the adoption of a child with Down syndrome. I'm sure the lessons will be evident one day, but until then, we're clinging to the promise that it's all in God's hands. He knows the beginning from the end. Until we can see where all the twists and turns in our journey will take us, we just have to hold on for dear life. Thank you all so very much for the support, prayers, and kind words. It's lifting us up through this very dark time!

No Words

I didn't wake up one day and think, "Hmmm. I think I'd like to adopt a child with special needs and spend $57,000 to go to Russia to do it. Sounds fun!" Nope. That's not how it happened. You see, I have three biological children. I could have as many more as I'd like, theoretically. I thought three was a good number for us. We are very involved parents, and three felt like as many as we wanted in our family. Then 2 1/2 years ago, my friend went to Ukraine to adopt a beautiful 4 year old girl with Down syndrome that was about to be transferred to a mental institution. I had never heard of such a thing! In my world of knowledge, people adopted infants from the United States because they couldn't have biological children. Half of my cousins on both sides of my family are adopted. My mom worked for an adoption agency for many years, and I have seen first hand the beauty of adoption. But adoption was simply for those that couldn't have biological children! So why would anyone travel half way around the world, spend an insane amount of money, and take on a child with special needs?? Because the child needs a family. That's the simple, easy answer.
In Russia, 85% of children born with Down syndrome are institutionalized from birth. There is no place in their society yet for those with special needs. Of course the hope and prayer is that someday they'll catch up. Someday they'll realize these people have worth, like every other soul born to this earth. Someday the biological parents won't have to make a gut-wrenching decision to give up parental rights, simply because of an extra chromosome. The United States had a very similar mindset about 50 years ago. I don't doubt that Russia will catch on someday. Someday...
There are many children stuck in the meantime, though. Children that would thrive in families, school, therapy, etc. Children that could have beautiful, meaningful lives. This is why we made the decision to adopt from Russia. We knew gross systematic change in Russian society was WAY out of our hands, but we could save the life of one. We turned our playroom into a bedroom and our lives upside down to get her home. 5 months of constant paperwork, fundraising, and prayer and we FINALLY arrived in Russia for our first trip. We went to Russia on what is called a "blind referral". That means we didn't know who exactly we were going to adopt. We told them a diagnosis, age range, and gender. From there, they told us who we could come visit. Her database picture was of a newborn, though she was 19 months old. We didn't even know what she looked like when we arrived at the orphanage. When they walked her into the room, though, my heart soared. This was my child!! I had the exact feelings when I saw my three biological children for the first time. This child is why we endured five grueling months of a "paperwork pregnancy" and why we agreed to take on the parental responsibilities of a child with several special needs. She was perfect in every way. We had several blissful visits. I cried hysterically when our plane took off from her region. I could not wait the months until we came back for court. She belonged with us. We all felt it.
Six days after we arrived home, Putin banned Americans from adopting Russians. We all know how that's gone. Here's the kicker, though. These kids are still growing up and being sent to mental institutions. There is nothing now that can be done for them outside their own country. Nearly every healthy infant that had met a prospective American parent has been adopted. Who remains? The kids with special needs. One child with Down syndrome has gone home with his biological parents. All the rest who'd met prospective parents remain in institutions. Because these are just words, let me show you some pictures:

Here is "Kyle". In the first picture from his baby house, he is a chubby cheeked, beautiful boy waiting for a family. He has been transferred in the second picture. HOW IS THIS ALLOWED!?!? I can't even look at this picture without wanting to throw up. He is so thin and frail. He has so many wounds on his face, either from being beaten, or from self harming. A lot of children in institutions hurt themselves to feel something rather than nothing. Oh, beautiful boy. You need out of there. There are no Canadian agencies that will work in this region. What hope does this boy have? None.
Lest you think this is an isolated incident, let me share Ksenia with you. Here she is before transfer:

Chubby cheeked, full of life. Here she is after transfer: 

I hate that I live in a world where things like this happen to innocent children. To make it worse, one of the children in danger of transfer is a child I feel in my heart is my child. She is only two, but it's a ticking time bomb. 

Here is "Nathan". He is in the same region as my Dasha. He doesn't have visible wounds, but he is skinny, sickly, and desperate looking. What am I going to do if/when Dasha gets transferred? I am terrified for her.

Nathan before transfer

Nathan after transfer

We can't do nothing. We can't pretend these children don't exist. I don't care what country they're from. They are children of God, and they don't deserve to be treated this way. Please pray, friends. Please pray for all these children. Please pray the adults that are responsible for them will care. Please pray that angels will watch over them and that their hearts will be protected from the ugliness of this world. And selfishly, please pray for my Dasha girl. Please pray another family will adopt her, or that the Russian laws will change and allow us to bring her home before she is transferred. Please, just pray.

Making our Canadian News Debut!

We were contacted by a reporter from Canada on Thursday or Friday of last week. My husband called and talked to him, and he was doing a story about Russian kids who'd met prospective adoptive parents from the U.S. but were caught in the adoption ban that had now been adopted in Canada. He had heard that we were interested in a Canadian family adopting Dasha Meg and wanted to interview us for his article. We made the news! Click here to read our story!

While we would love, love, LOVE for Dasha to come home to us, it isn't looking like that is going to happen any time soon. More than anything, we desire for her to have a family. If a Russian family were willing to love her and take her in, we'd be excited! Since that's more than likely not going to happen, Canada seems the next best choice. They are one of the only other countries that allow the international adoption of kids with special needs. From what I understand, the adoption process can be a bit more complicated (due to socialized medicine), but I do know of a few people who adopted kids with Ds from Ukraine last year. This is exciting news to us as our greatest fear is that she will end up with no family in a mental institution. If you are Canadian and are interested or know someone interested in adopting a two year old girl with Down syndrome from Russia, please contact me!

If you're following Russian/U.S. relations, you know President Obama officially called off the pre-G20 meeting with Putin. It's so very disappointing to see our hopes slipping away. This has been a difficult week emotionally for me as it sinks in more and more that Dasha's most likely not coming home to us. I would give almost anything for her to be part of our family. We miss her so very much. There is a hole in our family where she is supposed to be. Please continue to pray for her!

Today we had our biometrics appointment for our USCIS application for Cooper. I've heard they are taking around two months to approve people, so that's a bummer. We've still got a month left. We have made some progress on our dossier and will continue chipping away at it so it's ready to go once we have USCIS approval. I found out we have the option to pay for an update on Cooper! You apply through China and they give you a few pictures and possibly even answer questions. That sounds like so much fun! We're thinking about doing that, but might just hold off for a little bit. I'm thinking once we're half way through our anticipated wait would be a fun time to get some new pictures and info on our little stud muffin!

An Update...Sort Of

I don't have too much news to report. In China adoption news, USCIS is reviewing our application, and we're waiting for fingerprint appointments. One thing that's exciting for us is that we decided on a name for our China guy! We are naming him Cooper! His middle name will be his Chinese name, but I don't feel comfortable sharing that at this point. I will as soon as he's home safe and sound. It's a pretty big deal for us to come up with a name, though, as my husband and I have a really hard time agreeing on names! Yay! I also have been researching his province and I'm getting majorly excited to travel! It's still probably about six months away, but it's fun to imagine what it's going to be like! I read an article in May about the one child policy that continues in China, and it's heartbreaking. Here's a link to that article if you're interested.

If you're following Russian news at all, you know this week has been difficult as far as U.S./Russian relations go. Edward Snowden was granted asylum in Russia for a year. Here's an article about that. Now the U.S. is making threats about the meeting between Obama and Putin in September before the G20 Summit being canceled. BOO!! I am seriously sick to death of politics. I don't even care. Just give me my kid!! I think it's insanely unfair that she has to remain institutionalized for the rest of her life because of politics. So, yeah. I know I've been saying that for six months now, but it remains true.

As always, I'm thankful to Sarah with The Dark Matter of Love for her continuing work. She seems to have some great ideas and I'm truly happy she's on our side. At least it's something positive to follow!

Baby Steps

Woot woot! Guess whose USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) packet was mailed yesterday and is en route! Ours!  SO excited!  This means our home study is done for China (huge step), and our application to the United States to adopt an orphan from China is on its way! After we receive our acceptance letter, we send our dossier (packet of information about us) to China. Then all we have to do is wait! We have a few documents to gather, medicals to get, and letters of recommendation to receive for our dossier...then all the hard work is done! I'm super psyched! I just wish we could hurry USCIS along! Maybe, just maybe, I'll start calling them daily to check on progress ;) I'll test out that the squeaky wheel gets the grease theory!

Here's our empty USCIS folder.  Yay!!  (I forgot to take a picture of something a bit more interesting, like the completed packet or mailing it or something like that, so empty folder it is ;)

In Russian adoption news, The Dark Matter of Love has made it into the Toronto Film Festival!! This is SO exciting! Especially since the Film Festival coincides or is shortly before President Obama's visit to Moscow. Hopefully the news is inundated with our STUCK orphans!! If you don't mind, go on over to The Dark Matter of Love Facebook page and "like" it!  Click here to get to the page! Then you can stay up to date on all the progress The Dark Matter of Love is making!

I have to admit that after sending off our USCIS stuff yesterday, I got excited butterflies in my stomach. I haven't had those in months and months and months. It felt nice and I'm loving any forward motion either of our adoptions get!!

S l o w M o t i o n

It feels like our adoptions are moving in slow motion.  Our home study for China is done...almost.  It's been reviewed by our agency a few times, and they keep finding minor tweaks.  Each revision costs a day or two.  It's maddening.  I thought for sure we'd have our USCIS application sent off mid-week.  Now it's not going to happen until next week.  When you're anxious to get moving, these days and weeks cause anxiety and a feeling like you're stuck in mud and can't move very fast.  So. Slow.

And Russia?  Oh please.  Don't even get me started.  I am exhausted.  Mentally, physically, spiritually, financially...just so tired.  There's still so much work to do. The fight's not over yet, but man has this six months taken its toll on me! Everyone is sick of me talking about Russia and our plans. Everyone is nervous I'm getting my hopes up for nothing. Everyone wants me to "move on" and just be happy. So I fake it.  I pretend like everything's okay and I go through the motions, but everything's not okay. I start talking about plans and possible movements, and they get the "look" on their faces. I change the subject. The reality for me, though, is that there is a two year old little girl on the other side of the world who I feel like belongs in my family. It's hard to describe how deeply in love I fell with just about six hours of real time with her. She was my child from the instant she was walked in the room. She has nobody looking out for her now and no future ahead of her. There are many reasons we went to Russia in the first place. These reasons are still there, but it's MY child that is in danger of becoming a victim of the looming Russian Mental Institution. It gives me a stomach ache 24 hours a day and a feeling like I can't breathe. It physically pains me to look at her pictures, but I can't stay away. Her laugh is hilarious. Have I ever mentioned that? I am working on a movie with pictures of our visits. I am going to post it here soon, hopefully. All of you who've followed our journey so faithfully deserve to see the face of our sweetheart.

One thing that's been interesting to me is watching my friends travel to other countries to meet their children. The love and bond they share after a few short visits is palpable. Although I'm overjoyed for them and their babes, it kills me inside. I feel like saying, "How would you like it, now that you know without a doubt that this child is yours, if someone told you you couldn't adopt him/her? That's how I feel." Selfish, no doubt. Of course I never say that, I just think it. I wish I didn't think it, but apparently there's a big part of me that's...jealous.

I had a long, beautiful dream about Dasha the other night. She came to the U.S. for heart surgery, and they let us visit with her for a day. Our family all got to meet her, and of course fell immediately in love. It was such a peaceful, wonderful, perfect dream. But then they had to take her back, and I woke up to hot tears and a wet pillow. The reality of the situation haunts me, even in my dreams.

I'm having a hard time bonding too much with our China guy because of a few reasons. One reason is that I'm absolutely terrified something is going to go wrong, and I'm going to have this heartache again. I'm trying to love him from a distance so I don't get hurt. Another reason is simply just that I haven't met him yet. I don't know him. All I know is a picture, diagnosis, and country. I know I will love him when I meet him. I don't have doubts about that. I guess until then, though, I'm protecting myself from the pain. We have pre-approval for him, so there really shouldn't be anything to keep us from him, but you just never know. Honestly, this adoption thing is a risky undertaking. So worth it in the end, but risky nonetheless!!

The bottom line, though, is that I wouldn't take any of it back. If six hours is all the time we get to spend with Dasha in this lifetime, those six hours of her knowing the love of a Mama and Papa were worth all the time, money, heartache, and despair it's caused us. She has changed us forever, and I hope in some small way the love we shared with her during our visits is enough to sustain her until she has a Mama and Papa to hold her forever. And until she has a family, I can't stop. No matter how tired and desperate I become, I have to keep fighting and pushing. Because what other choice is there??

I Believe in Miracles!!!

48 hours ago, there was still £30,000 to raise before The Dark Matter of Love hit their Kickstarter campaign goal.  A few days ago, The Washington Post reported that "A 57-country conflict-resolution organization on Tuesday urged Russia to allow adoptions to proceed for the 300 U.S. families who had begun the process when a ban was imposed on Americans.  The measure was introduced at the OSCE annual meeting in Istanbul by U.S. Sen. Roger Wicker (R-Miss.), who told the assembly it was unfair to change the rules after parents and children had met.  The resolution carries moral authority rather than force of law, but Wicker said in a telephone interview that it sent a strong message that would support the United States in negotiations with Russia over the children who had bonded with families. 'All of these families deserve a happy ending,' Wicker told the assembly."  (To read the whole story, click here)

Sarah (the film director of The Dark Mater of Love) was there in Istanbul.  She screened her film to the 57 country organization.  Russia was trying to stop her screening, and even took all the projectors so she couldn't show it.  They had to move her to a different hotel to hide her, and eventually found a projector she could use.  The film was so powerful that 57 countries signed on and agreed that Russia should let these kids who'd already met and bonded with parents go home to their American parents!  This was all possible because of Sarah!  Awesome!  Way to go, Sarah!  Sarah has done more for us in the last few weeks than anybody else in the last 6 months!  She is amazing!

I was feeling very sad that we weren't going to get the money needed for her to continue with her campaign.  Very sad indeed.  This is Sarah's outline and plan for the money:

"In the lead up to Obama's visit to Moscow in early September we would:
-Engage a professional lobbyist
-Engage a foreign relations expert
-Engage a press strategist
With the specific goal to put pressure on the Obama administration to raise the issue during his meetings with Putin.

In Russia we would:
-Conduct a series of high profile screenings
-Engage a Russian publicist for the screening tour
-Create a Russian subtitled version of the film
-Distribute the Russian version of the film as widely as possible

After the OSCE I've been invited to the following parliaments:
-Irish
-Swedish
-Spanish
-French
-Finland
-Austrian
-German

I would create subtitled version of the film in those languages (costs about £1000 for each version) and screen in those parliaments.

The Russians fought so hard to have our OSCE screening blocked, they care about their international reputation deeply and screenings of this film in those parliaments would build on our OSCE success."

I feel like the press in Europe is exactly what we need to get this adoption thing resolved.  For some reason, Russia cares deeply what Europe thinks of them.  I really truly felt like this film was key for us.  I had no clue how to raise £30,000, though, let alone £30,000 in 24 hours!  The beginning of our miracle started in the morning of July 4th.  We were at a parade with our family when I got the message that an anonymous donor had offered to pay the last £10,000 if we reached £40,000.  Eeek!  The first excitement!  We started spreading the word via Facebook, begging people to give.  We got a great response in some special needs adoption groups, and the numbers slowly started to creep up.  They were sharing and begging others to donate.  As I got ready for bed on the Fourth of July, the numbers were around £23,000.  We had two big name bloggers blog about it on the evening of the 4th, but I was certain we weren't going to make it.  I was so very sad.  It would take a miracle.  The support that was shown to our kids was amazing, though!  I felt such an outpouring of love and my heart was full.

I was exhausted after our 4th of July.  I had been up early and went to bed late and was in the hot sun most of the day and had spent SO much energy on the Dark Matter of Love Campaign.  I slept in, and was SHOCKED when I woke up!!  I had a million messages and our numbers had somehow shot up to £38,000!!!  The excitement was electric!  Hundreds of people were rallying for our kids!!  In the final minutes of the campaign, we reached and even surpassed our goal by a few hundred pounds.  I am still on a high from it!  What an incredible experience!!  There is no way we could have met our goal short of a miracle.  Our miracle happened, and now I've got my fingers crossed that it's the first of many miracles!!

Many of the original 300 kids who'd met prospective adoptive parents from the U.S. have been adopted.  Most of them from other foreign countries.  Most of them young and healthy.  The children that remain are special needs children.  They have no chance outside of being adopted by parents from the United States.  Please continue to pray for these children!  They deserve families, too!  They deserve a life outside of an institution!  We're still holding out hope that "A Miracle for Meg" will occur!  We're hoping there can be some sort of special needs amendment because, in the end, these are the children that are suffering the most from this ban.  These are the kids Russians don't want and other foreign countries don't allow to be adopted.  These are the kids that need us!!  Thank you for your continued love, support and prayers and for being a part of our miracle!!

Following our Red Thread

There is an Ancient Chinese proverb that states: "An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."

We are never giving up on our Dasha Meg.  We are currently praying and hoping and willing her to come home to us.  I can't even fathom a world where a darling little girl will be locked away for the rest of her life when a family that will give her an education, therapy, happiness, and, most of all, unconditional love is more than willing to make her one of their own.  It doesn't make sense.  So we're going to keep on hoping and praying.  When she turns four, she will be transferred to a mental institution.  I will not let that happen.  If things don't start moving for us soon, I will be looking for a Canadian family to adopt her and make her their own.  If she can't be in our family, she's got to be in somebody's family.  I simply cannot let her live her life in an institution.

During this past year, we've learned a lot.  One thing we've learned is that the orphan crisis is real.  There are 163 MILLION orphans worldwide.  That's 163,000,000!!  Unfathomable.  Some are actual orphans, but most are social orphans.  Orphans because their biological parents or other family members can't/won't take care of them.  If all the orphans in the world were to make a country, it would be the 10th largest country in the world.  I know we are only one average family, and we can't affect global change.  But we know that the worth of a soul is great.  Every one of these children is a cherished and valued child of God.  Every child in the world deserves a home and family to love them unconditionally.  Every child should feel safe and provided for.  Every child should be able to go to school and to have the chance to make the most of their life.  I have a favorite quote from Hellen Keller that I keep reciting to myself, and that's, "Alone we can do so little: together we can do so much."  There will never be progress for orphans if we all feel like these kids aren't our problem or responsibility.  But if we all got involved, things could change.  There are plenty of families willing to adopt orphans, and oftentimes money is the only thing standing in the way.  These families are all capable of taking care of the children once they come home, but might not have an extra $50,000 lying around!  If you don't feel able to adopt an orphan, maybe find someone who is and help them financially or even emotionally!  It can be a very draining process, and it never hurts to have a shoulder to lean on!

Another thing we've learned this past year is that life is short and you can't take your money with you.  We can think of nothing more worthy to invest in than the life of a child.  We've arranged our house to fit our Dasha girl.  We've spent an entire year preparing for her arrival.  When Russia gives us the green light, we will be there to scoop her up and tell her how much we love her for the rest of her life. 
In the meantime, though, there is another child who has stolen our hearts.  He lives in China, and he has Down syndrome as well.  He doesn't have a family, and we are honored to say that we are going to be his.  We are entering into two simultaneous international adoptions at once.  It's been a bit crazy, but it will be worth it.  In the end, the world will have two less orphans.  

We saw a little guy's picture on my birthday (May 6th).  His beautiful face spoke to my heart.  I wanted to be his mother.  After much contemplation and prayer, I was driving home from taking the kids to school a few days later and had the distinct thought that if we don't adopt our little guy, life will be fine for us.  We'll be happy.  But if we DO adopt him, we'll wonder what we ever did without him.  That sealed the deal.  We contacted the adoption agency that has his file the same day and submitted our LOI (Letter of Intent, which is an official application to China to be his family) a few days later.  Our home study update should be done tonight and forwarded to our adoption agency.  As soon as they proof it and send it back and the changes are made, we will be ready to send in our USCIS application (the application to the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services).  We are simultaneously working on our dossier to send to China so that as soon as we receive USCIS approval, we can send our dossier to China.  After that, we wait for China to give us the go ahead.  China is a one trip country, so we will travel there for a few weeks, then come home with our guy!  The estimate for getting him home is anywhere from December to February.   

I feel so much more prepared to do the paperwork for this adoption.  I know what I'm doing, and I know who and when to push.  If things aren't happening quickly enough, I know how to get them moving.  It's true that nobody is as motivated to get your kid home as you!  Some of the things we did for Russia carry over, and some things we have to redo.  It hasn't been as painful as I thought it would be.  China's a drastically easier country to adopt from than Russia to begin with, but the runaround we've been through this past year has helped me become a much more efficient international adoptive parent as well ;)

We received our LOI approval, so we are legally connected to him.  He turned one in April sometime (his exact birthdate is unknown, as he was found abandoned at a concrete factory) and we're over the moon excited to bring him home.

Thank you for all the support you've all given to us!  We will continue to update on our Russian adoption, but will add China updates in there as well!  This is never a path I dreamed I'd ever be on, but now that we're here, I can't imagine any other way.  These two kids have taken hold of my heart as strongly as my three biological children.  They are the children of my heart, and I simply cannot wait to have all FIVE of my children sleeping safely under one roof!!

P.S. If you haven't checked out the Dark Matter of Love Kickstarter campaign, please do!  Click here to be linked to the campaign.  There are only three days left in the campaign, and if the goal is not met to raise 50,000 pounds, they get to keep none of the money.  I really think this film can help us, and we're running out of options for things that can help us!  Please consider donating if you can!  Every dollar helps!  Thank you for caring!!

The Dark Matter of Love

The G8 was a bust as far as Obama and Putin speaking about the adoption ban.  Heartbreaking.  I just want my girl home!!!  She turned two at the end of May, and it just feels awful to not have her home.  When we met her back in December, I was 100% confident we'd have her home long before her second birthday.  I hate that the president of her country doesn't care if she lives or dies.  He doesn't care if she has a happy life or a miserable one.  I hate that the president of my country doesn't care about her or about us, either.  I don't  know what else to do.  It feels so hopeless at times.
I was fortunate enough to get to view a new documentary film, The Dark Matter of Love, a month or so ago.  It is a beautiful film about an American family who adopted an 11 year old girl and twin 5 year old boys from Russia.  It follows their journey through the first year of struggles, and ultimately shows how love changes these kids.  They made the film long before the adoption ban, but the timing turned out such that the film director (Sarah McCarthy) feels compelled to use her film to plead for the 300 children who've met prospective adoptive parents but are still stuck.  She is taking her film to the Moscow film festival and will be showing it several times as well as streaming it live to all of Russia.  Awesome!!  And so brave!!  Sarah is also trying to get a lobbyist in Washington D.C. to talk to Obama about helping the 300.  Obama and Putin are meeting again in September for the G20 and will meet with just the two of them in Moscow before the summit.  Sarah is working towards getting Obama engaged before September.  She is a saint to spend so much time and energy trying to free our kids!!  I am forever grateful to her!

This is the Diaz family featured in the film, The Dark Matter of Love, along with the director, Sarah McCarthy

Sarah has started a Kickstarter campaign to pay the lobbyist, etc.  She has to raise 50,000 pounds before July 5, or she gets none of the money already raised.  If you have a few dollars to spare, visit her Kickstarter campaign HERE and please spread the word!  We can use all the help we can get to bring our baby home, and an awesome film campaign backing us may just be the thing we need!

G8...TODAY!

The G8 is happening today in Northern Ireland.  Right now.  Putin and Obama are meeting separately.  Will adoption be on their agenda!?  Please pray, cross your fingers, and send good vibes!  Putin is the only one that can get our little girl home.  A girl that has no chance at a family in her own country.  A girl who needs medical intervention, therapy, and education.  But most of all, a girl who needs a family and love.  She does not deserve to be locked away for the rest of her life.  She has done nothing wrong, yet she suffers.  Please pray that these two leaders will care about her and all the others that will not be adopted because of this adoption ban.  Please pray that they will realize that although they have other important topics to discuss, that these kids deserve more.  Please pray.

A Few More Articles

There have been a few articles of note since the last time I posted.  I thought I'd include them in case anybody is interested!

A few weeks ago, fellow adopting parents were trying fiercely to get all their senators and congressmen to sign a letter to Obama asking him to discuss adoption at the G8 summit this month.  It was a lot of work by a lot of people.  They even had to go to DC to collect all the signatures in person!  The hard work was worth it, though!  There's even an article in Russia about it!  Here is the link for that article.

Also, did you know that Steven Seagal is responsible for the diplomatic trip to Russia!?  I'm not even joking.  Haha!  Hilarious, bizarre, and awesome all at the same time.  Read all about it here.  Who knew!?  If anyone knows anyone who knows Steven Seagal or knows how to contact him, let me know!  I would love for him to advocate for our adoption!!  How rad would that be if Steven Seagal were responsible for bringing my baby home?  The perfect end to this crazy journey if you ask me ;)

A little girl with Down syndrome who had parents coming for her died.  She had a heart condition that wasn't treated.  This is so devastating.  Here is a link to that story.  (This story is in Russian, but if you open it in Google Chrome, it will translate it for you).  This is one of the many reasons we need to get our kids home.

Last but not least is this article.  This article is also in Russian, but open it in Google Chrome to read in English.  My favorite line of the article is, "The question "b", can be revised ban on adoptions Russian orphans to the United States in light of the promises of U.S. congressmen, Elena Mizulina said that "any law can be reviewed."  Elena Mizulina is a duma member who helped write the Dima Yakovlev law in the first place.  If we can get her thinking that the law should be reviewed in light of promises of U.S. congressmen, that is AMAZING!!!

As always, thank you for your prayers and support!  I will keep you updated of any changes!

In the News

Yesterday turned out to be a big news day for adoptions in Russia!  Apparently an American delegation went over to Russia to discuss the Boston bombing and also asking that Russia let those families who'd met children complete their adoptions. Here's an article about that.  Also, Svetlana Agapitova (the children's rights ombudsman for St. Petersburg) appealed to the Supreme Court asking that the 33 cases of children in St. Pete who'd met prospective American adoptive parents be allowed to complete their adoptions.  Here is that article.

I was hopeful yesterday!  Then today, this article.  Darn.  Pavel Astakhov again saying the Dima Yakovlev law remains in place.  I am still hoping that they find a way to let the children go who've met adoptive families.  I can't give up hope.  It's what keeps me going!

There is a Facebook group called 300 Broken Promises that a fellow group of Mamas who've met their babies in Russia set up.  Here is a link for that.  Feel free to "like" the page!  They do a great job of updating the most recent articles.

Dasha girl had her second birthday this last week.  We had such a celebration planned.  I cried the entire day.  I miss her more than words can express.  My arms ache for her.  My prayer is that somehow, someway she knows how very much she is loved.  Her profile picture was updated on the Russian database in the last few weeks and she is getting so big!  Oh, baby girl!  You are loved to the moon and back!  We will NEVER stop fighting for you!!  As the Russian delegation who came to the U.S. said themselves, "No law is forever."

A Girl Worth Fighting For

The group of 30 or so parents made it to D.C. and did excellent work advocating for all of our children.  We weren't able to make it, but did all we could to help from our home!  They had a press conference on Tuesday and visited senators all day long delivering the letters signed (from my previous post) by friends and family of those caught in this ban.  There were 8,301 signatures in all, so that was quite a stack to deliver!  A group also met with the Russian ambassador.  Things went well!  Here are just a few of the articles!

Moscow Times Article

Washington Post Article

The Hill Article (page 2 has our plea to President Obama)

We've done what we can do, and I'm thankful that there are so many that still love their children and are fighting a good fight.
Dasha girl's 2nd birthday is coming up, and she should have been home by now.  It's just so much emotionally to handle.  All I can do is pray for her.  Pray she's watched over and loved and taken care of.  Thank you to everyone for your continued prayer and support.

Taking Care of Business

There is a group of parents who've met their prospective kids in Russia who are going to Washington D.C. next week to advocate for those in our same position.  It would be really helpful if you would sign this letter to your Senators and share it for others to sign as well!  It only takes about 30 seconds, but it would be helpful to have a pile of letters for the Senators to see that it's not just the 150 or so that are invested in these kids.

Click here to sign

We are working hard to get President Obama's attention.  He is meeting with President Putin in June at the G8 Summit.  We really need adoption to be on the agenda!  I understand why it's not a top priority for Obama.  I really do.  There are a lot of things going on in the world, and even a lot having to do with Russia specifically.  I can grasp why these 300 or so kids who've met parents that are now being left behind aren't top on his agenda.  It's just that...one of them is MY kid.  I can't leave my child in an institution.  I can't leave her behind.  She needs to have a family, and I'm not giving up.  It's personal.  She's not just a number or a statistic, she's a human being.  We all see her as a member of our family, and I can't give up on her. 

If any of you have contacts in D.C. and would be interested in helping us out, please do!  There will be a press conference next Tuesday.  I know CBS news will be there, and hopefully others as well.  We would appreciate any and all help!

In other news, there are a few people out there in the cyber world that love to attack families like ours that are adopting from Russia.  I don't know why they spend so much of their time being negative.  I really don't. I also don't mind if people disagree with me.  What I do mind is when my words are taken out of context or misunderstood or twisted to mean something I didn't actually say, but that would sound sensational on a blog.  Just so everyone understands how I personally feel about foster care stipends, I am going to re-post my comment from my last blog post:

"No, it is not news to me that U.S. foster parents receive a monthly stipend. I also know that if you adopt a special needs child domestically, you receive a monthly stipend to pay for their continued needs. While I think this is very important and necessary, I also think we can all agree that in many cases in the U.S., parents foster simply for the monthly stipend. This is one reason why abuse is so common in the U.S. foster care system.

Likewise, many Russians do the same. Of course a child is better off in foster care than in an institution...IF the foster family is a loving one. I would much rather have Dasha stay in her orphanage where I know she is being cared for, relatively speaking, than in a home where she would be abused or neglected. Unfortunately, this runs rampant in Russia. I'm not saying this to be sensational. It is a well documented fact. Also, they do not accept people with special needs in their culture, nor do they have a place for them in their society. I've written much about this in previous blog posts (ie. no wheelchair ramps, elevators that wouldn't fit a wheelchair, no education, no jobs, etc.). 85% of children born with Down syndrome are institutionalized at birth. For those brave parents who keep their children, they often hide them away. The children leave their houses only under the cover of darkness and receive no education. When we were there to visit Dasha, anyone who heard why we were there were shocked. "Why would you want a child like THIS!?". There has never been an adoption of a child with Down syndrome from our region. Never. So you can imagine how shocking it would be if suddenly a family "wanted her"! 
The Kremlin is famous for paying people off. Just recently, they formed a march in favor of the U.S. adoption ban and paid people to come. There are many people in need of money in Russia. Their economy is hurting right now. All of the sudden you're offered big bucks to take a child, why wouldn't you? You might have zero knowledge of their condition, but you can return them to the orphanage at your earliest convenience. It's especially concerning that such a high price of offered to match ONLY the kids already matched with prospective U.S. parents to a Russian family. They are doing it to get rid of our kids from the system, not to help the kids. As I stated in this blog post, "If a family steps forward from Russia or a different country who is interested in parenting Dasha because they love her and see her worth, I would be overjoyed. She deserves a family. She should have a Mama and Papa. Oh, how she loved her Papa. She would do so very well in a family setting. She is smart and lovely and her smile will melt that family's heart. If one of these families come forward, I would welcome this."

I'm not sure why, in the whole of my last huge blog post, foster care stipends because such a topic of controversial conversation, but there ya have it.  You can agree or disagree, but this is how I personally feel.  I really, truly appreciate all those who are following our story and care about Dasha.  I will never forget the support we have received.  For those that are following to mock us on negative blogs, I'd like to share what Thumper taught me.  "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all!"  Or at the very least, have your facts straight!!

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

This week was the week.  A Russian delegation was traveling to the United States to have discussions about adoption.  How could this not go well!?  Why would a Russian delegation travel all the way to Washington D.C. for absolutely no reason?  Surely they wouldn't.  They want to talk!  They are ready to negotiate!!  Although I was trying very hard not to get my hopes up, I simply couldn't help it.  "THEY'RE GOING TO LET HER COME HOME!!!"  I unwillingly let this thought creep into my head about every five minutes for a week or so.  I knew the delegation was not comprised of any decision makers, but the excitement was elixir to my aching heart all the same.  The joy in my group of adopting mom friends was palpable.  OUR BABIES!  We love these children so very much.  They are already part of our families, part of our lives.  We think of them always.  The moms I am very close to are all adopting children with special needs.  Most of whom were given up by their parents simply because of these special needs.  No Russian family wants them, not even their own biological families.  There are hundreds of families in the U.S. that do want them, though.  Want them so badly they've put their entire lives on hold to enter the international adoption abyss.  I digress, though.

Last Friday, the Magnitsky List was supposed to be published.  Oh dear!  This could completely derail our efforts.  (For a brief synopsis, Magnitsky was a Russian attorney who accused Russian officials of laundering money.  He was put into prison  in 2009 and he died.  He was beaten, and no doctor was called.  In December, the U.S. passed the "Magnitsky Act" (pushed by a few U.S. senators), calling it a human rights violation.  The U.S. said they would publish a list of anyone involved in the crime.  200+ Russians, including high ranking officials, were supposedly to be on the list.  They would be denied U.S. Visas and their U.S. assets would be frozen.  This is why Russia passed the Dima Yakovlev law banning adoptions of Russians by U.S. citizens.  It was retaliation for the Magnitsky Act.)  I was happy to learn only 18 names were made public, and nobody of great importance was on the list.  It was a clear backing down by U.S. officials, and Russia recognized that.  Phewf!!!  Crisis averted!  Right?

My heart felt happier than it has since we left Dasha in Russia that freezing December morning.  I could not wait for Wednesday, April 17th to get here.  A parent led group had worked amazingly hard and efficiently to come up with a better and more intricate post placement report plan.  It was well thought out and intelligent.  They had compiled pictures of successful Russian adoptions.  Pictures of happy, smiling children and families.  Not the handful of abuse cases that have hit the headlines nonstop in Russia recently.  A group of parents even got a meeting with the Russian Ambassador!  Then, they got to meet with officials in the Department of State that were hosting the delegation to tell them of our plans.  Oh, this was going our way!!  I had butterflies in my stomach all morning, and then we got a miraculous email!  The Department of State was holding a conference call the very next day at 2:00 EST.  That was less than 24 hours away...there must be good news!  It usually takes quite a while to gather everyone's notes and come up with material for a conference call, right!?  With another entire day left on the schedule with the Russian delegation, they must have reached a fantastic negotiation and simply couldn't wait to share the good news!  Right?  We all scoured the newspapers and press releases, both from the U.S. and Russia looking for any sign of the much anticipated end to our sorrow.  We found Russian press releases that said the U.S. and Russia had agreed that a revamp was needed and welcome of the current post placement report system.  Oh joy, this had to be good news!  Why would we agree to such a thing if they hadn't allowed any more children to come home?  They wouldn't, right?  Negotiating 101 would teach that both sides give, both sides take.  That's the entire purpose of a negotiation.  2:00 Thursday...just get here already!!

By Thursday morning, news was leaking out that things had gone terribly awry in the delegation meetings.  Russia was not budging.  Not only that, but 99 children who had been matched with prospective adoptive parents (and had met them) were now in foster care and/or had been adopted by Russians.  We knew the call was not going to be the news we'd longed for.  Still, I had to hear it all for myself.  The phone call was a disaster.  The U.S. team reported it was the most horrible delegation they'd ever been a part of.  Russia wanted nothing to do with negotiations.  It was all take, zero give.  Zilch.  Not only that, but the State Department let us all know in no uncertain terms that they were done negotiating for us.  To say the wind was knocked out of my sails would be an understatement.  I was completely devastated.  This had to be one of the hardest days of my entire life.  I felt (and still feel) like my whole world has been shaken.  I have never lived in a world where nothing makes sense.  I have never experienced injustice so wholly and profoundly.  Our government couldn't care less about these kids and about us as suffering U.S. families.  The Russian government couldn't care less about their own orphans.  Instead, both sides have chosen money, power, and, most of all, pride.  I don't want to get into too many details here.  Mostly because I'm exhausted from thinking about it all.  As far as the U.S. government goes, though, I am referring first and foremost to the Magnitsky Act.  The decision that caused Russia to ban adoptions by Americans in the first place.  One man was killed.  Probably unjustly, yes.  He was Russian.  It's none of our damn business.  Crappy things happen to U.S. citizens in U.S. prisons all the time.  We made it our business because a wealthy campaign donor wants to get back at Russia.  Not because one of his several Russian attorneys was killed, but rather to get back at Russia for stealing his money.  Money he made by stealing from Russia in the first place.  And who is this man?  A U.S. citizen?  Nope.  He denounced his citizenship years ago and lives in England, far from the America he abhors.  I'm super glad we decided to side with this guy.  Because the hundreds of orphans who will now die are somehow less important to the world than greedy businessmen.  Because their human rights are not being violated at all, being forced to live without families, love, and proper care.  But can orphans contribute to certain senators' campaign reelections?  I think not.  So suffer away, pointless orphans.  If you've got nothing to offer the world, the world will offer nothing to you.  This is the horrible, terrible lesson I've learned this week.  I'm clearly pissed off.

And why, you might ask, are there nearly a millions orphans living in Russia without parental care, and suddenly ninety-nine of these orphans who'd met American parents are adopted by Russians!?!?  Coincidence?  Hardly.  Good ol' Pavel Astakhov has been hard at work PAYING RUSSIANS TO TAKE THE KIDS THAT HAD BEEN MATCHED WITH AMERICAN PARENTS!!!!!!  Oh, and get this.  If you take one with a special need, you get seven times the amount.  Please don't misunderstand.  If the Russian government wants to help subsidize families who adopt special needs children to help them pay for the needs of the children, I completely agree with that and understand.  What I DON'T agree with or understand is paying seven times the amount they are paying to adopt any other child to adopt one that's already been matched with an American family.  It doesn't matter if you take the kid back once you've been paid.  It doesn't matter how you treat the orphan, either.  Nobody cares about them anyway.  As long as they're sticking it to the U.S., that's what counts.  If a family steps forward from Russia or a different country who is interested in parenting Dasha because they love her and see her worth, I would be overjoyed.  She deserves a family.  She should have a Mama and  Papa.  Oh, how she loved her Papa.  She would do so very well in a family setting.  She is smart and lovely and her smile will melt that family's heart.  If one of these families come forward, I would welcome this.

Listen, I am all about Russians taking care of their own orphans.  If long overdue orphan care reform is what comes from all of this, then bravo, Russia!  I'm not being sarcastic here, either.  Truly, they have got to start taking better care of their orphans.  They have got to start accepting individuals with special needs.  We all come into this world with different abilities, strengths, and weaknesses.  It's what makes human kind beautiful and brilliant and perfect.  Our very imperfections.  There are far too many orphans and not enough willing homes.  But please, please don't punish those children already abandoned by one set of parents.  Please.  Let them get the medical care they deserve.  Let them be loved and educated and happy.  Let them know they are valuable and lovable and so very much adored, just how they are.  Just who they are.  Please.  Please.  Please don't let these children suffer.  Please don't make them live in institutions until they die a premature death.  Please.  Please don't let them miss out on life.  Please.  Please see them as human beings, capable of wonderful things.  Please don't punish them because the families that love them live in a country you want to punish.  Please don't let families who don't really love them take them.  Please, please, please.  Please.  Please.

Many parents who've met their kids have decided to stop working towards their adoptions.  Our government has given up without much of a fight.  Their government continues to be adamant about their position.  What else can we do?  I don't blame these parents in the least.  On the contrary, many of them are going to different countries to adopt.  It's a brave thing to do.  They are leaving their hearts in Russia and pursuing other children in need.  There are orphans all around the world longing for parents.  For now, though, we will continue to pursue our European Court of Human Rights Case.  We've been given priority status and things are going well.  I don't know what the outcome of this will be.  It's not even certain that if our case is victorious that Russia will let us take our kids. We have to continue to try, though.  I am going to do every single thing in my power to make sure that precious soul does not have to live in a mental institution for the remainder of her life.  It's not right.  I love her.  She's my child.  If any of my other children were trapped in a different country, you bet I'd continue fighting for them.  So until a few more doors are slammed in our face, we are still moving forward.  This has been an extremely difficult time for me and for my family.  We are thankful for your thoughts, and, as always, for your prayers.  For us, for Dasha, for all the children.  And also for the hearts of the officials, both in this country and in Russia.  Please pray their hearts will be softened and that they will see the need these children have to grow up in a family.  To end with, I am going to link to my beautiful friend's beautiful blog.  She escaped with her gorgeous Russian children around Thanksgiving.  I can't imagine darling Maria and Elijah still being trapped.  Read her blog here and see the difference having a family is making in these precious lives.  Think of how many more should have this opportunity that are being denied.  It's not right.  It's not right at all.  "There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest." -Elie Wiesel