Cooper Haolei

I still am in disbelief that I am having to write this post. We got a call this morning from our China adoption agency that our sweet, beautiful Cooper had passed away.

Cooper at four months

The Chinese facilitator got a call from Beijing in the middle of the night to report that he had passed. They called us this morning to let us know. We don't know any more details. We know he had Down syndrome, but that was the only official diagnosis given. Perhaps he had an undiagnosed heart condition, or perhaps he just got sick. Our agency is working through Beijing to get more information from the orphanage on the circumstances surrounding his death.

We are heartbroken. Really and truly we just feel gutted. We are confident in the knowledge that Cooper is now in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father. We know his many earthly burdens are lifted off his tiny little shoulders. We hope he somehow understood that a family was coming for him and how deeply loved he was.

Beyond that, our grief is for those of us left behind. We are saddened beyond measure that we never got to know Cooper. We wanted nothing more than to give him a home, a family, and unconditional love. We mourn the loss of this precious child in our family. He will forever be a part of us, and we will never cease to love him.

 

 It's been a most difficult day, but we do feel surrounded by the love of so many family, friends, and complete strangers. It is helping us get through, and we can't thank you all enough!

 I was ready to give up this morning on the whole idea of adoption. We have fallen in love with three different orphans, and none of them have been able to come home to us. The sadness we feel is overwhelming.

Then I remember that there are 57 million orphans on this earth. We were prepared, and still are, to be a family to one of them (plus our darling Dasha. There will always be room for Dasha). Our dossier for China is nearly complete. In a month or less, all of our paperwork will be on its way for translation. It would be silly to not give another child a chance.

We just need a few days to lick our wounds and mourn the loss of this boy we've grown so very attached to. This last picture is the first picture I saw of Cooper. I fell instantly in love. For the first time, I saw a glimmer of hope through our Russian adoption mess. I wanted so very badly to be his mother. I still do.

We love you, Cooper! We will always love you. There will always be a place in our hearts for this sweet face.

We don't understand the how or the why of all that's happened to us over this past year, but we can't pretend we weren't led to this path. My husband and I talked this morning about how we can never deny the urgent promptings we felt last July as we were led to pursue the adoption of a child with Down syndrome. I'm sure the lessons will be evident one day, but until then, we're clinging to the promise that it's all in God's hands. He knows the beginning from the end. Until we can see where all the twists and turns in our journey will take us, we just have to hold on for dear life. Thank you all so very much for the support, prayers, and kind words. It's lifting us up through this very dark time!