Broken

I am sitting in the plane on our way home from our first visit to Meg/Dasha's country. I know the opinions of the people there are negative towards people with Down syndrome, but I thought that perhaps it was just in raising them for their own. I thought that surely they wouldn't see a fault in someone else wanting to raise a child with Ds. I am sickened by the response we received. It started at the Department of Education. We were asked question after question after question. The woman, I think, thought we didn't understand the diagnosis. We kept trying to politely inform her that just because her perception of the abilities of people with Down syndrome might be one thing, that in fact they can accomplish so much more! They can go to school and read and write and learn everything anyone else can, just at a slower pace. They can go to college. They can have jobs. They can be healthy and happy and have lives. They can be in families and love and be loved. The Minister of Education was shocked at this. I don't know that she believed us. And furthermore, our facilitator and translator was no better. They would ask the same questions over and over again. It was exhausting and so offensive! "We are just trying to understand why you would want a child like this! Why not one with HIV or Hepatitis? Why, when you already have three kids of your own, do you want another child, and one like this!?"
At the orphanage, the director and head doctor (who is the same person) gave us Dasha's whole history and medical background. Her mother had obstetrical care throughout her pregnancy. It was her third pregnancy and she is married got the father. From all signs it was a wanted and planned pregnancy. They relinquished all parental rights the day after she was born and never looked back. Dasha went straight to the orphanage from the hospital. I'm sure they mourned and still mourn the loss of this child. I can't help but think that every mother in the world loves the child she carries. It makes me so, so sad for her family that they don't have her in their lives. They will never know how incredible she is. I know the hurt of leaving her after three visits, and it makes my momma heart hurt all the more for the emptiness her birth mother's heart must feel. This is what needs to change in this country. They need an education program for the birth parents so they stop placing these kids in orphanages. The society as a whole needs to change or this problem will never get better. If only we could help on this front. After the director finished telling us about her notes, we told her we had a present for the orphanage from our children and nieces and nephews. They have decorated bags and filled them with pajamas, underwear, socks, toothbrushes, etc. She was shocked to hear we have kids and immediately started the same line of questioning as the Minister of Education the day before. It's like she could understand if we didn't have kids and were desperate enough to take ANY child we could get, but why of we have kids already would we want "this sort of child". I had to just sit quietly. I couldn't answer these questions again. These questions disgust me. Especially from someone that works with the kids every day. You would think she of all people would develop a love and compassion after knowing so many Ds kids personally. Quin did a good job fielding all these questions as I sat quietly biting my lip.
I tried very hard to win our facilitator over. As we played with Dasha and it was evident she could learn and was, quite frankly, the smiliest, happiest, giggliest baby ever, I thought that maybe she would see that this was just a child. A baby like any other. I would mention, when the facilitator would talk of how Dasha seemed to enjoy dancing, how there is a dance class for kids with special needs near our house. I was signing a few things to Dasha and explained to our facilitator how sign language is beneficial to all toddlers, but particularly to toddlers with Down syndrome, as it gives them a way to communicate before they are able to vocally. I taught it to my other three children as toddlers, and Dasha will learn it, too! "Oh, really!?" She asked questions about life expectancy (it's currently 60 in the US vs 30 in their country) for people with Ds. She asked about education. On our last visit she even said, "Dasha is really pretty when she smiles." Although I was quite offended, because she's pretty all the time, smiling or not, I know it's progress. Baby steps. I just feel such a strong Mamma bear instinct for this little one. I hate the perception that she's less than! She is incredible, and so much more than they know! Some part of me is hopeful that through this process, including the years of post placement reports we are required to do, that maybe a few minds and hearts can be softened and changed. Just maybe.