Entering into the world of international adoption, you realize quickly that your life is put on hold. Every penny is accounted for as you struggle to come up with $56,000. Hundred of hours are spent planning and carrying out fundraisers. Every minute you can spare you spend working on your home study, collecting what feels like hundreds of documents probing into every detail of your life and history. Countless hours are spent compiling your dossier. Lots of blood, sweat and tears are put into preparing your home to add a new little one. Much thought and effort are put into making sure everyone in your family is prepared and on board to add a child who will require extra time and love. Research is done to prepare for what lies ahead in raising an institutionalized child, and in our case, a child with Down syndrome. Parent training classes, stacks of books, and loads of articles to be trained to parent this child are read. Yes, it's a daunting task to enter into the international adoption realm.
Our lives have been in this holding pattern since July. It was in July that we decided to pursue adoption. Our agency told us the typical Russian adoption takes 6 months to 1 year. Determined to be in the earlier part of that estimate, we rushed every piece we had control over. Our dossier was en route to Russia within three months of us committing. Pretty impressive, I must admit ;) After visiting our girl, our facilitator told us if we rushed our court dossier, we could have court in March. That would put our gotcha trip in April. Dasha's birthday is in May, so I was confident we'd have our little peanut home in time for her 2nd birthday. Oh what a celebration it would be!!
The ban hit, and time stood still. Except for time isn't standing still. It just feels like it. We are stuck in this holding pattern. We can't move forward with life, because we are still in the process of an international adoption. It's spring break right now...and we're at home. We can't go on vacation, because we're still saving money. I am still spending my spare minutes on the adoption. I am reading every article related to the adoption ban I can get my hands on. I'm planning, preparing, coming up with strategies. Still. How long is this holding pattern going to continue? I wish I knew the answer to that. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered moving on. Going to a different country. There are, unfortunately, many countries that reject their children born with Down syndrome. There are thousands throughout the world that need homes. We set out to give a child with Down syndrome a home, and that's what we are going to do. There are so many adorable faces from China and Ukraine that call to me. It is so tempting to abandon this adoption that is causing such stress in our lives. But in the end, we fell in love with a child in Russia. We feel that she is meant to be in our family, so we will continue to stay on hold. We want to abandon the holding pattern and the process, but certainly not the child. Nobody has ever in her life fought for her. We know she's worth it, so we continue to fight.
The worst part of the holding pattern, though, is not our lives that are disrupted. It's that our sweet Dasha's life is on hold. She is not receiving the therapies she needs. She is not having surgery on her eyes. She is not learning to crawl or walk. She is not learning how to play with toys or read a book. She is missing out on the love of a family that adores her and cannot wait to show her how valued and cherished she is. She is not eating healthy fruits and vegetables. She is fed mush in a bottle with the nipple cut off. I am not faulting her caretakers. They are doing the best they can with what they have. But the truth of the matter is that she is not receiving the care and opportunities she would if she were allowed to come home to us. THIS is what the hard part is. I can scarcely look at her pictures and video anymore. It renders me useless. I sit and cry and cry and cry. Oh, what a doll she is! She loves us. She really, truly does. And we love her. We really, truly do.
So we will continue to remain on hold. For however long it takes.
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