I had a day or so of heavy tears, then I suddenly felt more peace than I have since December 28th. I have tried to listen to uplifting messages while I get ready in the mornings lately because I have been just so dang depressed. The morning before I learned about Canada, I decided to listen to some interviews with Elizabeth Smart. For those who don't know, Elizabeth was kidnapped from her home in Salt Lake City at the age of 14. She was held captive for nine long months. An insane man, Brian David Mitchell, took her to be his wife. He raped her multiple times a day for nine months. He told her what she could do and say and how to act. She was his prisoner and slave. Elizabeth was miraculously discovered waiting at a bus stop with Mitchell in a neighboring city nine months after her kidnapping. Instead of being bitter, angry, and resentful, Elizabeth has chosen to focus on the positive. She knows God loves her, and fully recognizes the tender mercies given to her during her horrible ordeal. She has moved on with her life. She knows that, in the end, everything lost to her will be restored.
After listening to several interviews with her, I am just in awe. Suddenly, it fully sunk in that this life is truly just a blip on the radar. We are here a few short years to prove ourselves, then we move on. It's fully possible that Dasha never finds a family and lives the remainder of her life in an institution. She came to get a body and prove she was willing to do whatever it took to be exalted some day. She has done just that, and I know in the end she won't be denied any blessings. She will have a family. She will have happiness and love and everything she didn't receive in this life. I also firmly believe that, in the meantime, there are angels helping her through. I know that I love her so much it hurts, but I also know that Heavenly Father loves her infinitely more. Even more than I can even comprehend. He is aware of her. He will not leave her alone, comfortless.
While I've been telling myself this for 10 1/2 months, I guess I never truly believed it. I felt somehow that I needed to do something to help Dasha. I now know that I have done every single thing in my power to get her a family. I have reached out to Russians, Canadians, the U.S. government, the European Court of Human Rights, media, Russian officials...truly everyone I can think of! I see now, though, that I have done all I can, and now it is in God's hands. However this turns out, it's not up to me. It's up to Him. I will continue to do whatever I can. I will be here, ready and willing, when and if Dasha is ever available to me. If not, though, I know that this life is short, and she will be rewarded for eternity.
I am so thankful for this peace. It's a huge burden lifted off my shoulders to know that it's not up to me. I will stay on the course, but will do so with a heart full of love and much lighter than it's felt in months! I continue to have the scripture found in John Chapter 14, verse 27 run through my head: "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
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| Here is the beautiful, peaceful, wintry view outside the playroom window in Dasha's orphanage. |